Ivanna's Fairytale
by KitkatTenshi
Summary: When rummaging through the attic, Ivan's maids stumble across a notebook. Together they begin to write a story in it, only to ensnare the Baltics, Ivan, and Natalia in their demented fairytale.
1. Chapter 1

Ivan sat by the fire, watching as his servants stood around him, dusting, entertaining Belarus, and giving the occasional sideways glance when they thought he wasn't looking. He frowned, taking a large gulp from the vodka bottle in his hand. Something was wrong. It was much too quiet… Where were his maids?

"Euard, where are Fae and Sibyl?"

The middle Baltic sibling straightened at his name, staring at the floor. "I don't know sir."

"Ravis? Toris?" He kept his voice light, except for the menace dripping slowly from his mouth and let it sear a hole in each of the Baltics.

Ravis paled, shaking his head violently as Toris said, "No, not since they went upstairs to find that book you said was in the attic."

_Once upon a time…_

Ivan sat up, head turning. "Did you hear that?"

Toris looked around before saying, "I think you've had a little too much vodka Ivan…"

"Nonsense! There is no such thing as too much vodka!" Ivan roared, and Ravis jumped a foot before cowering behind Euard.

_In a land where ice and snow refused to melt…_

"There it is again!" Ivan said, looking around the room.

"I heard it too Toris…" Euard said, and in agreement, Ravis nodded his head.

_There lived a man who was always trapped in his home…_

The living room seemed to fade, and they all jumped back as the walls gave away and revealed Russia in all its glory in the middle of winter. Ivan growled as his vodka disappeared from his hands and Belarus practically tackled him for warmth… Even though he knew she was warm enough.

"Liet, what the HELL is going on!" Ivan yelled, trying to push Belarus off of him.

Toris frowned, looking at his brothers. "You don't think-"

"They'd be the ones to do it." Euard said, his focus on the hyperventilating Ravis.

Toris sighed. "Remember a couple summers ago when you found that notebook in the attic Ivan? And everything you wrote came true?"

Ivan nodded, not sure where this was going.

"What would you say if I said I saved it in the attic instead of throwing it away—Hypothetically of course."

"You didn't."

"I did. I'm sorry. Fae and Sibyl have ensnared us in this story… We'll have to ride it out…"

_**No, that's boring. Let's do this- There lived a beautiful princess who lived in a tower that was sealed off from the rest of the world.**_

_Yea, I like that! And a horrid dragon guarded the tower and kept the princess from the rest of the world because it loved the princess and wanted to keep the princess all to herself._

The snow around Belarus swirled, changing her into a gigantic green dragon with all the fixings. Ivan laughed, pointing a finger at the Baltics. "Sucks to be you, whoever's the princess!"

But the snow was already swirling around Ivan, and when it died, even Belarus had to stifle dragon giggles.

Ivan, or Princess Ivanna, looked down at herself. She was wearing a tan gown that belled out slightly because of some itchy petticoats, and only reached her knees, revealing her boots. It looked like her jacket from before she this… horrendous ordeal. Her hair was longer too, and as she reached up, she felt a small crown on her head, that, no matter how she pulled, would not come off.

At least it couldn't get any worse.

_And the princess only dressed in pink because that's the color the dragon liked on her best._

_**What a cruel and sadistic dragon.**_

_Yes. Quite._

The snow swirled again, and this time, when it settled, Ivanna was dressed in a bright pink, and at a cold at her feet, she lifted up her skirts and saw she was in a pair of silver heels.

"I swear, if I make it out of this alive, I'm going to KILL Fae and Sibyl." Ivanna said before she grabbed her throat, her voice much higher than she wanted.

Toris snorted. "If this is about the dress, maybe you should look at your chest Ivanna." Toris said, biting his lip so not to laugh.

Ivanna looked down, and with a sudden gasp, lifted his hands up and squeezed the two round things on his chest. "WHAT THE HELL ARE THESE???" He yelled, and everyone burst out laughing, even the sadistic writers.

The dragon bent down and grasped the princess in her teeth, lifting her up into the top of a tower. The second Ivanna was dropped into the tower, the story continued.

_**Well, we have to have a hero or something…**_

_That's right! Well, the Princess had one trump card, a trio of sorts who had sworn to be the protectors of the Princess and other such things of beauty!_

"Do we get to be the Bad Touch Trio?" Euard asked, and Toris face-palmed himself at the eagerness in his brothers voice.

_Umm… No…_

_**It was an unlikely trio of men. The eldest was a knight that had lost his sword to a king, forever disgracing him as he roamed. On his travels, he met a Elfian prince that had studied to become a physician, only to kill his best friend and was banned from his kingdom until he saved the life of another.**_

As the voice spoke, Toris and Euard found themselves surrounded in snow, and when it settled, Ivanna saw Toris incased in armor, looking very much like the warrior Ivanna remembered from before World War I and II. Euard had been stretched, a crown around his own head, and pointy ears sticking out from under his golden hair.

"WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE TO HAVE A FRICKING SEX CHANGE????" He yelled up at the sky, not really expecting an answer.

_Shut it Ivanna. _

_**The last of the trio was… was…**_

"Something tall, something tall, something tall." Ivanna could hear Ravis begging from where she was locked away.

_A small dog?_

_**No, something larger… Like a midget?**_

_No, that's horrid. How about a elf?_

_**Euard's already an elf.**_

_Oh, that's right. How about a fairy?_

_**Fae, do you LIKE ripping away every man's man card?**_

Ravis was caught in snow, every time something mentioned, he transformed into the creature.

_A dwarf?_

_**Don't go all Lord of the Rings on me here.**_

_Umm… How about… A gnome!_

_**Where the hell did you get an idea like that?**_

_The gnome stashed away over there. You can see his hat._

_**Oh. Well, a gnome works well enough.**_

_Alright! A gnome it is! This last addition to the group was well liked in his community, but his warrior spirit stopped him from settling down. He was skilled at using double broadswords, but when he first left his home, his blades were stolen from him by a dragon, who was said to keep a beautiful princess locked away in a tower. _

Ravis' head stopped spinning as the snow died down, but he opened his eyes to a shorter world than he remembered. "Fuck." He inspected himself, surprised that he had muscles, a beard, and a stout frame. 'Well, it could be worse…' He thought, and then felt his focus shift.

"Well, um, what do we do know?" He asked to no one in particular, and Euard, who had been playing with the bow and arrows that had appeared on his back, shrugged.

_Now, the story gets good._

"Oh dear lord." Ivanna said, wishing that this was some vodka induced dream…


	2. Chapter 2

Alright, so, I realized that I forgot to END the first chapter.... ahahahaha. I'm such a ditz.

So if you want to check it out, feel free! ^w^

And, also, I've been busy with 5 stories all at once, and its been epic trying to get one chapter out in a week. My brain is fried, and I'm just looking for some other ideas, so if you want me to write a story for no reason what-so-ever, all I need to ask is no Twilight... Unless I get to kill Edward. No offense meant to any Twilight fans. I just don't like Edward. All the other vamps are fine, just not Edward.

As I read on one of my friends shirts-

_And then Buffy staked Edward._

_The End_

_Our story begins in the far reaches of the country, where our intrepid trio-_

_**Intrepid trio?**_

_I have to give them SOME dignity._

_**Alright then.**_

_As I was saying… Where our intrepid trio stood, ready for battle._

_**Wait, I thought only Euard had a weapon…**_

_Oh, that's right. Dragon has the weapons… And for equality, the elf's arrows were in the shop, getting repaired._

_**That's a horrible excuse! Let's try…**_

While the girls squabbled, Toris the knight looked at his brothers. "We are so going to fail…" He said, shaking his head as Euard's bow faded from its master's hands.

"But, don't we have to save the princess? It IS the only way to end the story." Ravis piped up, struggling to stand as snow encased him from about his armpits down.

Taking pity on him, Euard heaved the three foot tall gnome onto his shoulders. "Or we could kill ourselves. That should end the story."

"And then we'd die." Toris said, staring at his feet. He was surprised his feet hadn't frozen yet in the snow. He wasn't uncomfortable in his suit of armor, it felt like it was a simple extension of his body. A solid, durable part of his body.

"Touche." Euard said, and Ravis the gnome gently set his head on his older brother's head.

Toris looked them all over. A gnome, elf, and knight. This felt like one of Arthur's stories Alfred had told him about in the short space of time that Toris had lived with the eccentric American. Only this story was worse. MUCH worse. "We are definitely an intrepid trio." He said, shaking his head. "Let's just get this over with-"

_Nope! You gents have to start at the beginning of the quest. As in, square one._

"Damn it." Ivanna's voice came floating down from the tower.

Toris pulled a mock serious face before he bowed. "Do not worry my princess, I will rescue you."

Even serious Euard had to hide smirks of laughter as snow started to surround them. Toris could hear Ivanna's growl as the snow blurred his vision, and he felt his feet lift from the ground.

It was disorienting at first, the feeling of floating. But when the spinning stopped, Toris found him and his brothers in a field covered in sunflowers.

_**Our story begins in a field of sunflowers, where a fierce battle had reigned. Battered and bruised, our heroes stood, the flags of the countries flew proudly over the battlefield where-**_

"Like, I totally saw it all!" A blonde head appeared from behind a rock, much to the shock of Toris and his brothers.

_WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING IN THIS????_

_**I… don't know. Let's just go with it.**_

… _Fine._

"You were, like, completely amazing!" Felix said, perching himself on top of the rock he had hidden behind. Or what appeared to be Felix. He looked like the Felix Toris had grown up with, but the pair of tan cat ears that sat on his head and the tail that swished calmly behind him said otherwise. "You, like, completely saved my home and me from them! That was like, ubber nice!"

The neko Felix jumped gracefully onto the ground on all fours, and he padded gracefully around Toris and the others. "You know, you should so wear some brighter colors. They'd look so good with your outfits."

_We can't keep letting him go on like this._

_**Agreed.**_

Felix stopped, rising to his hind feet. "You should come home with me! It's lots of fun, and I have lots of food!"

_Don't do it…_

_**Toris… Remember the last time Felix gave you food…**_

_Don't do it…_

Toris frowned at the Fae and Sibyl's voices, somewhat annoyed. It was obvious Felix couldn't hear them, or he would have blushed at the mention of the brownie incident. But then, Toris hadn't known that Felix couldn't tell the difference between sugar and salt.

"Oh, can't we?" Ravis asked, his eyes wide. He had always liked Felix, who was much kinder to him than Ivan.

As tempting as it may have been to go and be warm somewhere, Toris shook his head. "No, we mustn't impose on you. We are on a journey to save the princess, despite her anger issues."

_Oh, you know Ivan would so kill Toris if he actually said that._

_**Totally.**_

Toris sighed and waved to his brothers. "Come, we make haste so we can be done with this story."

Felix growled. "Oh no. Princess Ivanna is, like, sealed away so that this land may forever know winter. My people and I cannot, like, allow you to do this." And with that, he threw back his head and yowled.

_Well, I for one didn't see this coming._

_**Well, I guess that makes me a better writer. **_

_Let's not and never speak of this again._

Toris' eyes went wide. "Umm, Felix? You can stop with the creepy cat call now…"

But Felix was transforming, his fingernails growing long and sharp, his eyes changing to be more cat-like, and he began to look more and more like a were-cat.

"We should run." Euard said.

_I agree. This is a creepy Felix._

Toris and Euard started running as fast as their feet could carry them, uneager to become catnip for Felix and his fellow cat-people. Toris looked back, watching as more and more cat creatures appeared, and bit his lip. "This doesn't look good for us Euard."

Ravis nodded his agreement. "If only we had the real Felix here. He'd know how to stop this faker!"

Toris looked up at the sky and yelled, "FAE! STOP THIS!"

_AUGH! DON'T LOOK AT ME! I don't know how to help!_

Toris sighed. Ravis was right. Only Felix knew how he worked himself.

A memory of Felix dragging him through a mall gave Toris an idea. He grabbed Euard's arm and dragged him to the left. "Quick, I have an idea."

Euard followed, a curious expression on his face. "What are you doing Toris?"

_**Yes, what ARE you doing Toris?**_

Toris suddenly pulled to a halt and, turning towards the stampeding herd of were-cats, pointed to a small town further towards the left. "Oh my god, look! A sale on Gucci!"

The lead cat stopped, and an exact second later, it turned with a poof back into Felix. "Oh my god, let's go!"

Euard and Ravis watched with their mouths hanging open as the were-cats turned back into humans and tore after their shopaholic leader.

Euard turned to his darker haired brother. "How on earth did you know?"

Toris shrugged. "Felix can't resist Gucci. Even a pseudo-Felix can't resist it."

Ravis paused, narrowing his eyes at his eldest brother. "How did you know?"

Toris paused, then started to walk away. "I didn't."

Fae's celestial voice started laughing, Ravis paled, and Euard yelled, "What do you mean, you didn't know? You mean you put us all at risk for NOTHING?"

_**Well, I thought it was brilliant. Well done Toris. You and brothers can now proceed onwards…**_

_What the hell is with this proceed onwards shit? You make it seem like Chopped or some cooking show._

_**It felt right, so just go with it!**_

… _Alright, but I get to choose what happens next._

Toris smiled, knowing Fae would probably be easier on the three of them.

_As they left their um… enemy shopping in their dust, the three moved onwards to their challenge, unaware of the horrors that awaited them._

Toris gulped. Maybe he was wrong about that.


	3. Chapter 3

-falls flat on face- Sorry! Due to brain malfunctions, I lost the thread to finsih this story. But you can go thank my Ane-chan and Imoto-chan who rode my ass till I wrote something. n I skipped over chunks that may be written in later... If you beg...

Toris and his brothers were not happy. After facing Hungary the crone with her albino eagle, Alfred the fanboy, wannabe knight who was utterly useless, and the Swiss king who thought that they were after his sister, all three were tired, and still the tower seemed far away.

Ravis fell down first. "I give Fae. Just end the stupid story already."

_But what's the fun in that? Besides… I have many more adventures!_

All three groaned and Toris and Euard soon joined Ravis in the snow.

_**You three are right. This is taking much too long.**_

_Oh? Who said we should do this in the first place?_

…_**It's still taking too bloody long.**_

_Fine… I have an idea then._

Toris looked up at the sky, about to scream, "Thank you!" to both girls when he became aware of another presence. He looked up, half-expecting a dog-man. Instead, he saw Arthur, looking incredibly normal.

Arthur smiled as he helped the three up, shaking his head. "You three look like you've had a rough day. I've been looking for you."

Ravis sighed as he allowed himself to be pulled up. "Let me guess, to reclaim some honor? Or settle a grudge?"

Arthur chuckled. "No. I've simply come to help with Fae's insanity."

_Oi! I'm not that nutty!_

Arthur chuckled. "And yet you talk to the characters in your story. Quaint."

Toris' mouth fell open. "You… You can hear them?"

Arthur nodded. "I'm a wizard. Though where Fae and Sibyl found a ~, I'm not sure…"

_**In the attic. How can you-**_

Arthur shrugged. "No idea. But I can help with this… situation."

Toris smiled. "Thank you…" He said, stretching slightly. "This story has gone on too long."

Arthur nodded his agreement. "It has." He glared up at the sky. "I DID have scones in the oven when I left Fae, and I would like to go back to them as fast as possible…"

_Ooooooh! I love your scones!_

Toris winced, remembering the last time Arthur made scones. "Alright then…" He muttered, sighing as he shifted uncomfortably in the snow as Arthur began drawing a pentagram onto the ground.

A clink of metal made Arthur glance up. "Ah, I see you have weapons."

Toris glanced down at the sword at his side. "Yes… Long story short, Euard got some arrows from Hungary, I got my sword from America, and Ravis got a battle-axe from Switzerland. No pun intended." He said, adding the last piece as an after-thought, and Arthur chuckled slightly as he straightened up.

"Well… that should be the last bit." He said, a mused expression on his face. "Truth be told, I don't exactly know what will happen with Fae and Sibyl's story telling bit, but it shouldn't affect it TOO much…"

_Just do it already Arthur._

_**Hey… Fae?**_

_Yes Sibyl?_

_**Can I write the battle scene?**_

… _A blood-thirsty Russian sub-country writing out a potentially deadly and dangerous mission? Why does this scream bad idea?_

_**So… is that a yes?**_

_Why not?_

Arthur looked up at the sky. "They don't realize what they've done, have they?" He asked Toris, a frown crossing his face.

Toris shook his head. "No… But can you hurry up with the spell? We want to save the Princess Ivanna from the Natalia Dragon, and that's going to take time."

Arthur frowned, and nodded. "Just step into the center, and I'll transport you to the climax of the story." He shook his arms slightly, as if he was shaking the cold from them as the three 'knights' entered the circle. "Just remember- you aren't just characters in a book. You're actual people, and sometimes the best thing is to make your own choices." He finished with a wave of his hand, and each of the Baltic's weapons landed in their hands.

Toris looked at the sword in his hands curiously, noting the strange presence he felt with it. "What do you mea-" He started, but all he saw was Arthur's smile before the snow surrounding them began to swirl, and the Baltics were lost in a world of white.

Toris opened his eyes with a groan, wincing slightly at the pain around his legs.

"Ah. So you're awake."

Toris' vision was blurred, but after a minute, it focused on the bright green claw that surrounded his lower half. Almost fearfully, he glanced upwards, following the trail the arm made to the rest of the beast's body.

Belarus the dragon smiled at Toris, and she lazily puffed a ring of smoke around him. "So you ARE awake." The dragon mused. "I was worried I'd killed you before I'd had my fun."

"Let go of me." Toris said, clasping the sword in his hand tighter.

The dragon laughed. "Make me."

Toris frowned. "Natalia, listen. We can stop this. All you have to do is put me down and let me defeat you, and we can go home." He said, unable to keep a slight begging tone out of his voice. He really just wanted to go home, flay Sibyl and Fae, and clean Ivan's house, successfully staying out of Ivan's way.

Natalia laughed. "Why should I? Here I can play with Ivanna all I want… And she'll never leave me for you, or Ravis, or even that whore, Sibyl."

_**HEY!**_

_It's alright Sibyl. We'll get her back for that one. And besides. It's a story._

Toris gulped. "Nata-"

The dragon paid no attention to Toris. "Would you like to see her? She's quite beautiful, I enjoy playing dress-up with her." Natalia said, and she reached out with her other claw, reaching into the tall tower beside them.

Ivanna came out with the normal hustle and bustle expected as a dragon claw and princess exit through a rather small window. She was dressed in full regalia, her crown polished, a bright pink dress on her, her hair teased and wavy, and her face dolled up beautifully. Toris gulped, instantly knowing why Sibyl had called the princess 'beautiful'.

Natalia blew gently on the princess. "Who's a pretty princess?"

Ivanna turned a little pink. "I am." She muttered to herself.

"Louder."

"I'm a pretty princess."

_!_

_**Shut it Fae! Hehehe… But that was pure genius.**_

Ivanna's eyebrow twitched angrily. "I. Am. Going. To. KILL. Them." He said, the threat fully evident in his tone alone.

Toris couldn't help but chuckle himself. "I have to admit, this IS pretty funny."

Natalia chuckled herself. "Then look over at your friends there." She said, gesturing over to her left, and Toris' eyes followed her outstretched claw.

Euard and Ravis were both unconscious, dangling over a pot of boiling water that spelled certain death. Toris gulped. "You wouldn't."

Natalia laughed. "But I would. Because the intrepid 'trio' in our story will be short 2 members, it means that there will be no one to save the princess from me." Her tongue snaked out and caressed Ivanna's jaw. "Will there, my little pet?"

Ivanna shuddered, but she refused to back down from the dragon's gaze. "No. There won't be." She balled her fists. "But there won't need to be! I'll free myself!"

The dragon chuckled. "No. I'm much more powerful, and you are merely a HUMAN girl Ivanna. Nothing more, nothing less."

Toris swallowed, noticing the evil look in Belarus' eye. He had seen it hundreds of times before in Ivan's eyes, and he knew all too well what it meant.

Ivanna, however, either ignored the look, or brushed it aside as nothing. "Natalia! Let me go, or I will-"

"WHAT?" The dragon roared, slamming Toris to the ground, his armor the only thing saving him from being crushed. "What can you do to me here Ivan? This is my kind of a world!" Natalia said, her voice slightly deranged. "And there's nothing you can do to stop me."

Ivanna gulped, and prayed, for not the first time, that this was all just a vodka-induced dream.

CHAPTER 3! MWAHAHAHAHA!

Ok, it was short, but then, all these chapters are kinda... Well, please review for me. I need opinions on if Toris the knight should break free here, or if Belarus decides to... uh... do... weird... stuff...

-comes out of nowhere and smacks me over the head- Katie! We are English! Proper English people do not use such horrid terms! -England

-rubs head- yeah... but Im American*... -Katie

-pauses- =n= -England

-waves- please review!

*do not base my actions on what all Americans do! I am just a horrible, horrible spaz. And practically America himself. I even have the curl. .n.


	4. REQUEST! READ!

BAH!

Fuck I need something to do.

I'm really sorry it took so long to get back to fanfiction, but I recently just went off to college! :D And then my life went to hell in back. D: It's a long story, but let's just say it has to do with bad decisions on my part (sorry Ane-chan), horrible, life altering decisions on my friend's part (STDS are horrible things), a drug dealer friend (who I had absolutely no idea did such hard-core drugs), and an entire floor of 60 some girls beating on each other (not literally, but it's a minefield when all the biological clocks align). It's a miracle I've somehow survived, and with a shred of dignity to my name.

Alright everyone, this is where this stands- I'm bored. My brain has blocked EVERYTHING. I need to loosen up the cogs, so that hopefully, by some miracle, I can think about finishing these stories that are just chilling here. Life has been a bitch to me, but if you still check my page, by some miracle, post below this, and the magic genie will give you a wish.

One wish- Any story. I don't care what book, manga, TV show, magazine, or anything else you can think of, the story comes from. Just tell me what you want, and who you want in it. I WILL WRITE IT. EVEN IF I HAVE TO STUDY WHAT THE HELL YOU MIGHT BE TALKING ABOUT. I'll post it on fanfiction, email it to you, whatever you want. Can't promise it'll be done soon, but Imma try really hard to get it back to you in less than a week.

I love you so much if you actually got excited that I finally posted, and if you even checked this. I'm honored, and I would love to write a story for you. I don't care if you feel like taking advantage of me, this is kinda my way of taking advantage of the brains of other people.

LOVE YOU ALL!

~Kitkat


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